Below is the first newsletter I wrote to St. Mary's Church (at least, the first one we still have on file). It seemed worth revisiting, especially for anyone who struggles with the agony and suffering and loss that come with not being able to do all the things you once enjoyed.
Dear Brothers and Sisters,
Recently we started praying the Daily Office of Morning and Evening Prayer here at St. Mary’s. When I started telling people about this, some folks were quite surprised. We’re going to have how many prayer services a week?! [Now, Sunday through Friday, 8:30am and 5pm.] Well, here’s another angle for looking at a discipline of daily prayer.
Growing old is difficult. While I don’t know about this firsthand, I have it on good testimony from many of the people I’ve served as a priest. One aspect of it that is particularly hard is when you realize you’re no longer physically able to do what you used to do. Unfortunately, our culture is geared so that if you can’t work, if you can’t make a visible contribution, then you’re considered useless. And being useless is one step away from being worthless. Then the Church too often makes it worse by telling us to get out there and fix the world, when you may feel some days like you don’t even have the energy to fix your hair!
But thanks be to the Lord that prayer is of first importance. The offerings of the able-bodied, yes, they are wonderful gifts. Prayer, though? Mountains will crumble under the weight of prayer. It towers like a giant over any other business of the Church. This is because the strength of prayer is not our own. It resides fully in the Lord who spoke the world into being. In fact, not only is it not a matter of our own strength, but to lean on prayer looks for all the world like weakness.
Even if you’re in your prime and your body isn’t failing you now, believe me, one day it will. And when that happens, the sense of loss you feel at not being able to do anything may be tremendous. You will not, however, be useless. Far from it. If you devote yourself to prayer, you actually climb the ranks. You actually become more and more central to the community, a pillar of the Church—because prayer is of first importance.
I worked in a progressive-care retirement community as a chaplain during seminary. During that year, I spent a great deal of time with people who had been so worn down by age that they could hardly speak or even seem to register that I was in the room with them. I was always impressed, though, that when I would pray the Lord’s Prayer, so often these people would begin to pray with me, barely mouthing the words: “Our Father, who art in heaven …” Saying these words had become second nature to them.
Pray everyday. Let the words of the Church sink into your muscle memory. Let them be as natural to you as breathing. When your body does begin to slow down, you’ll only become more fully what you’ve been working at for years by that point: a life set apart for prayer, one of the greatest gifts the Church can receive.
Yours in the Lord,
Fr. Stephen Crawford